Everything seems to be a means to an end. Though maybe there is confusion as to whether or not a true end even exists anywhere along that path. Let me attempt to describe what I mean. Let’s suppose this morning that I woke up and decided to comb my hair (which in fact I have not done). Now, I only combed my hair since I was planning on going out. In going out, I was hoping that maybe I would run across other people, and they would notice my neatly combed hair (if you find that my hair is never neatly combed, ignore those thoughts during this time and accept the hypothetical). Perhaps they would even make a nice comment to me about how great my hair looks. This then would encourage me to begin the process all over again tomorrow. Yet, for some reason it appears difficult to find anything of value in that scenario. I do not mean to say that combing your hair is worthless in and of itself. I am simply pointing out that the whole of that situation is circular and never finds itself complete. Some would argue that the desired result was the compliment. Even though I may have envisioned that as my end goal, it was actually only in order that I could then find the motivation to comb my hair again the next day. I think that maybe this is kind of how vanity works. It leads us in circles, and we’ll never have rest. John Milton slyly pronounces in the closing scene of the Devil’s Advocate, “Vanity…definitely my favorite sin.” I’ll have to bluntly admit that it’s mine too.

I’m not really sure why I can’t seem to shake myself away from empty pleasure. At least my Epicurean friends would applaud my efforts and tell me to “live for the moment.” And actually, I wish I could live for the moment. I’ve spent my entire life living for the next, so it might be a nice change to live in this one that exists right now. Funny though, people claim to adhere to such a philosophy, but I’ve never witnessed it. People who believe in this notion think that they are denying future consequences and looking for instant gratification only. But in reality, they are doing no better than the rest of us. Perhaps they have the ability to evade the thought of future consequences, but they have not acquired the ability to live in the moment…or for it. Rebuke me if I am wrong, but I have never been fully satisfied seeking out any personal pleasure of my own. In fact, any time that I endeavor to seek out momentary happiness, it presses me to keep looking ahead to that next moment all the more. I do experience a sense of satisfaction, though it never matches up with my expectations. Thus, it can never be enjoyed as much as my former thoughts told me it would be enjoyed. It actually then becomes destructive to seek out pleasure for the sake of pleasure. For each time that I do not receive as much pleasure as I had thought I would, I cannot help but allow myself to become more and more consumed with looking ahead to future pleasure. The craving for gratification then becomes stronger and stronger as the actual pleasure itself diminishes. Thus, even though I know that perfect fulfillment will not come, I prefer the fantasy over reality. Somehow, someway, in an attempt to live for the moment, I still seem to be living for the next.

One dictionary definition purports vanity to be the “lack of real value”. I’d most certainly agree. Yet, that still falls short of describing what embodies the whole of vanity. For most of us, vanity is all that we do. It’s the pursuit of that infinite happiness that keeps us running in endless circles. It lets us breathe, but it’ll never make us alive. In this, vanity is nothing more than a tease. Perhaps we hang on, hoping that this vanity, whatever it is, will keep us company for just one more night. Ironically, I think it is this very same lust that denies us company. You begin to wonder, will we ever grow tired of fighting for just ourselves?

Loneliness has a lot of sway. I’ve watched many who lay themselves down at night and have no rest, even though they may sleep. It’s a burning, a hunger for what Henry David Thoreau called the “marrow of life”. A sense of immediacy coupled with confusion often overrides the zest for what is real life and replaces it with a compromise for the illusion of what is life. That is perhaps how I really envision vanity. It’s nothing more than an illusion. I must think about those things in life which I seem to outwardly yearn for the most. If I trace the steps made throughout my life in an attempt to devour these passions, I might find that what I deemed to be my pathway to freedom culminated in my pathway to slavery. Vanity looks so good, so freeing, that it would appear to be the key. Honestly though, every bit of my vanity has always and will forever be my chains.

I think that most of us simply misunderstand what it is we are doing. We’ve been locked in on this worldly philosophy that life is what you make of it. That’s nothing less than misleading. If life has a purpose, if it is bound to an Eternal Creator, then life is not what you make of it. Rather, life is simply waiting for you to stumble upon it. I do not mean to state that we could contain life in one definition. Though, it must be noted that life has some fixed element of structure if it is to be purposeful. It can hardly be argued that those things that we want most out of this life are the unseen. Things like hope, joy, love, and peace are what we are really existing for. The man who knows only a physical world will surely never know true love. Likewise, the man who believes all things to be a matter of money and will never experience true peace. The first would never be able to abandon his possessions, much less his body, for the sake of an invisible triumph. And the second will not stop nor be satisfied until he has obtained all the money he can, which will never occur. But things like money and possessions maybe can be some slight reflection of that which we really want. They can bring a sense of comfort, a sense of peace. They can be given in love, with joy. Standing alone, they mean nothing, however. They are not the end. They can sometimes be a means, but never an end. This is why most of us misunderstand what we do. We have confused the means with the End. We have mistaken some of the symbols of life for Life itself. To me, it is kind of like praising the cross but forgetting Grace.

Perhaps the example in the first paragraph was cheap in some ways. Thus, I will portray another image of what vanity is like. Sometimes I go to concerts that do not turn out to be what I expected. I am always excited for the show to begin. In fact, most of the time, I have a difficult time being patient and waiting for that first song. Oddly, the first song begins, and I cannot wait for the second. The second song plays , and my impatience pushes me to think only of the next song. Throughout each portion of the show, I am looking ahead with anticipation to the next. The music finally ends, and I am left with a feeling of slight dissatisfaction. In vanity, I am driven to thirst for what I will never catch up to. Maybe this is a lot like life for many of us, living in anticipation for the next moment but never reaching it. Possibly that is why people seem to always be in a rush. I’ve talked with some who feel as if they are living life in a hurry, even when they have nothing to do. Vanity, it’ll entice you to fight to catch up with your future, but it’ll leave you just short every time. That’s why it’s my favorite sin. It keeps me hanging on for just one more day…everyday. It leads me to believe that only what is to come can be good, exciting, and pleasing and denying the existence of reality in the present.

I’ve been alive though. I’ve known what life is. I’ve tasted it and wanted more. But I still run in circles, chasing what I’ll never catch. I think my problem is me. I can’t seem to sidestep the false belief that life is mine. Jesus said that “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” There are days that, by grace, I’ve seen something greater than my own selfishness. There are days that, by grace, I’ve walked like Jesus. There are days that , by grace, I’ve walked in love. These days are the times when I am alive. Honestly though, I believe that communion in Christ gives us the freedom of always living. The problem of vanity echoes the same problem that has plagued humanity throughout history: we keep thinking we are individuals, walking alone, creating life that is forged in privacy and personal pleasure. Selfishness is our prison. It is what keeps us at war, pressing us to believe that we are our only ally. And then we think that our dreams are in opposition to the rest of the world. If only we’d search our dreams a little bit further, we’d know we are one.

There are things in this life that I seemed to have begun with meaning at the core. I have sought out love, I have preached, I have given, I have studied, I have tried to serve. Somewhere along the way vanity has tempted even these purities. C.S. Lewis mentioned in The Great Divorce, "There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself…There have been some who were so occupied in spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ…Did ye never know a lover of books that with all his first editions and signed copies had lost the power to read them? Or an organizer of charities that had lost all love for the poor? It is the subtlest of all the snares."

Vanity is not only deficient in meaning; but even more, it is deficient in love. I’ve made far too many vain attempts to create my own path of salvation. Honestly, I thank the Lord that “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” The past does not exist anymore. And the future will never be. It is now, this present moment, is the only place that you will ever live in. Vanity will always cause you to think your existence is somewhere it is not. It is not a solution to loneliness, it is the cause. I used to think life was about me, but now I know it’s not. “In the absence of love, nothing in this world is worth fighting for” (The War).

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest fair of all?" Most would immediately recognize this heralded line from the classic fairy-tale Snow White. The Queen in this epic chants such a phrase only to be disappointed that her expectations are not fulfilled. It might be odd that perhaps one of this age's most complicated lessons can be envisioned in this tale. As the story has it, the mirror informs the Queen that she is certainly fair but could only finish second to that of Snow White, the fairest of them all. Thus, she determines to do everything possible in order to obtain satisfaction from the mirror. The unfolding of this narrative reveals the downfall and ultimate destruction of the Queen

Mirrors, it seems, can be linked to a number of problems since their creation. The reflection we see is always distorted...always. It could even be noted that the mirror has induced progressions in anexoria, bulemia, suicide, anxiety, and the likes. You look in the mirror, and you see something imperfect. You see yourself as less than what you want. Or maybe on the opposite spectrum, you see more than what is there. Either way, people most certainly desire to make something, perhaps a god, out of their own image. We were created in the image of Another. Yet, we persist in believing that we have the capabilities to create something out of our own image. This is the nature of pride. It leaves us on our own to enact the part of God and seek out glory for the self.

I remember studying in my philosophy classes the theory that no act could ever truly be committed apart from some hint of selfishness. I don't buy that. But I don't doubt that most cases of service fall under that heading. We think we do things in order to get the approval of our peers; but in reality, we are actually looking for the approval of the mirror. That might begin with compliments and flattery from those around us. Still, it will culminate in our own self-worth, which we so highly entrust the mirror to guard for us. Within the bounds of this whole scheme of approval, we operate on a performance basis, always trying to impress somehow, someway. This is really like a defensive. We are protecting the self within us in order that it may live on as a god among mortals. The opposing side would be something from the offensive, where it is an act of true service, done out of nothing more than pure love of God and others. This is offensive because it guards nothing and gives everything. I've witnessed this, and I believe it exists. Honestly though, for most, the mirror is both their guide and their assessment of service. When it only goes back to you, it cannot be true, despite the fact that others may benefit.

Depression seems to be a pretty common occurrence in this day, and who should be surprised with such a self-centered motive at the heart of things. My life has witnessed something to the nature of this. Over the years, I progressively watched my mother fall deeper and deeper into depression enhanced by but not limited only to medications. Less than 2 years ago, this whole situation came to a climax. Suicide was a portion of her daily thoughts. Attempts at this were really not all too uncommon either. Sometimes, she would lock her door and just scream out threats that "we were all going to be sorry". My family was not sure how to deal with this. For the longest time, we had simply given her what she wanted. We had told her things were good. We had pleased her and tried not to give her anything to worry about. We comforted her and consoled her. Maybe what we did not recognize was that we were trying to put the fire out with more fire. My mother was sick. In her mind, she was in control of her surroundings. Yet, this was not the case by any means. My mother needed to be humbled, to be brought to her knees. She needed a direct confrontation with reality. This is humility.

Perhaps many of the programs we offer today do the same thing that my family tried for years. They offer a boost of self-esteem by simply giving us another image of ourselves to look at. It might be as good as buying a new mirror when the old when has a crack in it. It appears to temporarily fix the problem. Yet, as long as the focus remains on us, Truth will never be gained. You have all these identity problems today. Counselors, both secular and Christian, attempt to work on this problem by repositioning that identity. When one comfort leaves the victim and the outcome is depression, they simply offer some other comfort of the self to replace it. Certainly it will be one that is more stable, but only for a time. In this, we begin to see the purpose of our relationships as nothing more than making others feel happy and comfortable. No doubt this can be a ministry at times. Nonetheless, happiness will never be anything more than temporal, and it will never lead someone to ultimate Truth. About a year and a half ago, we slammed my mom full on with an intervention that shook her self-invented foundations and left her in a place of utter hopelessness. This was the beginning of a new life, birthed through death, and steadied by humility.

Humility really is the foundation of all that is real. We are not our own creation, we are not making ourselves, we are not becoming anything on our own. At some point in a person's life, one must recognize that it was never about them. Everyone seems to feel the need for redemption in one way or another. So there are these paths we have for seeking salvation. Yet, this becomes our end. It is our ultimate goal to save our own life. Many people are still under the illusion that somehow they can save themselves by accumulating whatever it is they want from this world. Death will prove that man to be a fool. For the rest, who have searched this earth for material salvation begin to turn elsewhere. They feel the burning for something more, so they press on. Some see this idea of salvation in Christianity, so they take it up and claim it. However, one must always take notice that the words of Jesus indicate that "whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me, will save it." So the Christian mystery is this: that only through the death of the self, can life be birthed through Jesus Christ. Nearly every professing Christian knows this, but maybe much fewer experience it.

Death and Rebirth into a new creation, this is a monument of the Christian faith. All who desire to be partakers in salvation will claim the validity of this process. Truthfully though, if you want to know what I think, I think that a lot of people have only faked their deaths (I believe this even includes me at a number of places) or are merely committing a selfish act of suicide, neither of which will birth a new creation. Those pretenders, they soak up everything that is good and easy to adhere to within Christianity. They even give up a number of sins. Yet, all of this relates back to them. Their identity is still attached entirely to their own personal comforts and selfish loves. Though it may be said that God truly blesses those who serve Him, it can also be stated that those who serve Him do it not for the sake of anything other than His glory. This is the ultimate depth of love, a radical realization that it was never about you (Don't get me wrong, God is for you, but if you want to see that, you must first understand that you are for Him). And for those on the suicide watch, they take up more of a position of asceticism, attempting to force themselves into God's will. It is an intense struggle for these few who pursue this field as they constantly struggle to entirely eradicate every passion and temptation whatsoever ending with the destruction both of what is good and what is evil. This is a stance that creates numbness towards what is real. Both positions mentioned are indeed centered on pride, not humility. They are attempts to control, not surrender.

Yet, there is a middle road, a place of moderation, a place that is only met in the raw nature of humility. This is what true surrender entails. It is a giving of one's heart to salvation not as a personal end, but as a offering up to God's glory. It is salvation that is defined not simply by eternity in a heavenly realm, but more by a restoration of humanity to it's purest form of existence, which is held in the grace of God. It is not about comfort, it is not about identity, it is not about finding your niche. It is life, simple and unadulterated life. This is why the mirror will always fail us, always lie to us, always confuse us. It places the emphasis upon us, and that is not the story of the Gospel. This is not to neglect personal devotion. In fact, this raises it to an entirly different standard. Any attachment that does not come through Jesus Christ is idolatry in some form or another. Maybe people look to much to find their identity, even to find it in Christ. I think the truth is that it alread exists in Christ, you just have to catch up with it somehow. So the Queen of Snow White presumably erred in the most common of terms by putting faith in her own image as her personal salvation. In actuality, Snow White herself could symbolize that last piece of the puzzle we all think we need in order to complete our own picture and find salvation in our own reflection. However, this is not reality, this is not humility, this is nothing more than selfish pride.

I pose this question quite often, and here I shall make use of it again:  Is Jesus your excuse or your salvation?  Think long and hard before you conclude on that one.  If you want a better way to assess that question then turn to this quote by the late theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffert, "When Christ calls a man, He bids him come die". 

Our regrets are our embarrassment. We remember them like it was yesterday, and we always will. On occasion they seem to pass to the back of our mind. In this, you may even be at a place where you think it is once and for all defeated. Then it returns, without a warning, and you sink back down, remembering who you really are.

Redemption, salvation, a new life, thats what everyone wants. It's simply second to human nature once youve lived long enough. We want a chance to start over. If only we had that time machine thing figured out, then we could clean it all up. We could blot out our stains that we hate about us. Yet, here we are, still living this life as a liar, as a thief, as an adulterer, as a loser. Yeah, we have our winning days, but when it really comes down to it, we just can't finish strong. We are our regrets, we are our shame, we are our sin...or at least we have a difficult time seeing it any other way.

Some of us opt for numbness, doing our best to redeem ourselves through a loss of feeling. And it doesn't always seem so bad. In this, we might not be winning, but at least we aren't losing either...so we think. But aren't you giving up a peace of life to indulge in a loss of it? Is that not what you are really doing when you let your conscience go to the backburner? Still, guilt, that doesn't seem right either. If that conscience would just let some things go, then we wouldnt have to go numb.

Its not simple dealing with things of this sort. Yet, maybe it stands true that we aren't really defined by what we often think we are. It is certain that we live as if we are yesterday. We do our best to pretend that we are tomorrow. But we sulk in what we were, and therefore we continue to be that. I think we forget that each new day is exactly that, it's a new day, a new beginning. The analogy of the seasons is quite commonly used to stress this point. It goes through death and rebirth every year. Maybe we do the same...everyday. If only we could find a way to wake up each morning and see a new life. Yet, it seems so hard to see past our filthiness of yesterday. That is why we live out that life, as if were still in that same place and time. In fact, yesterday seems to be our justification for living today.  We just let things slide by with phrases such as, "Oh well, I've done this before."

I love the idea of a new creation, the purity that flows from that. Perhaps we are too narrow-minded to say that the death and resurrection of this divinity named Jesus was only our passing salvation for eternity (not that this isn't a great part of what He came to do). Sometimes I think that maybe, just maybe He came to rescue us now, and tomorrow, and the next day, never ceasing to save us. Of course, too many of us will see this from a selfish standpoint. We want peace because we want it. Yet, maybe Jesus brought a bigger concept to the table. Maybe He said "deny yourselves and take up your cross" in order to show us a different way to do it. Maybe it was never about us, but something much bigger, something outside of us. Maybe someday we'll find that, and then we'll truly live.

Don't you see, we are all the same. Sometimes you look around and wonder why others aren't wearing the same stained apparel that you notice on yourself everyday. And perhaps you are right, perhaps they arent wearing the same stains. Only, what distinction is to be made if they are merely a different color? Maybe they've learned to blend it in better with the rest of their appearance, but maybe you have to, just not in your own thoughts.

You think you've run too far away, that your mistakes, that your regrets, that you are simply beyond finding a home, a place to rest your head. You'll continue to put on a front as if you have found your home, as if you have a foundation to keep you strong. Yet, in reality, you are still living in yesterday, but always hoping for tomorrow. You've tried changing, and it works to some extent. You've tried your share of good deeds, but that was never enough to cover it. You've tried just about everything you could think of, but nothing ever completely moved you forward like you wanted to. So what do you do?

We are all the prodigals, the runaways, the squanderers. The truth is that we have all messed up, and we'll probably do it again. But it can be different. Today is fresh. We'll never go back, we'll never change the past, but we have today. It's all we have. Yesterday is gone, and there has to be a time to start heading home. I think that most of us just get caught up in the fact that we went to far away. We'll go a little bit closer back, then find a decently comfortable spot and give up, thinking we are defined by yesterday. But you see, we are only defined in this moment, in the present, in this day, and each moment is new. Honestly, I dont care what in the world you did yesterday, I want to know what you are doing right now.

You know what the sweetest thing was about the prodigal son...he came home. He said "to heck with yesterday and all my junk that I screwed up. I know I am worthy of nothing, but I know that in this place I have nothing. So, as humility is my guide, I am headed home." And you know what the sweetest thing about the father was...he stinkin celebrated, threw a crazy homecoming party for his son. He too was taken in by the spirit of humility saying, "to heck with yesterday and all of my son's sins. Today is new and a chance to move forward."

The fact of the matter is that some of you don't know who you really are. You think you are your mistakes, your sins, maybe even some of your good deeds. But you aren't defined by that. Honestly though, I can't define you either. I believe in Someone that can, but youll just have to start seeing for yourself.

I've had some thoughts a flowin', and I am not really sure exactly how this all comes together, but I've written it down.  Read if you like.

I was watching a movie the other night called Cube (It’s very much like Saw II for anyone who has seen that). The plot of it centers around a group of characters who are trapped in this massive cube with thousands of rooms. Some rooms have traps that are waiting to kill its guests, while others are safe. Apparently the people inside this cube wake up and have no idea how they arrived there. They all decide that they want to get out. They trek from room to room using the attributes of one another to guide them. As they move along, they stop to ponder the purpose of this entity they call “the cube”. They can only agree that it is being used, which is done only to keep it from being purposeless (though in reality, using it does not give it a purpose, it just makes it appear that way). So together, they are searching for a way out, a reason to get out, and a means to accomplish it.

How could I not relate this to life? We wake up, without a clue of why we are here. We are all in this little cube of life, walking around in formation from room to room, but probably most of us never get outside of it. We just do as we are told, fall in line, and wait for our end to come. We go from room to room looking for our purpose, but some of us give up after deciding that there are too many rooms to search, too many objectives to work toward, and too little time to do it. So we just end up using what we have, or pretending to use it, just so we can feel like we have a purpose. Yet, in reality, we are machines, living in submission to the cube, never even taking a peak outside of it..

I had a dream…I was enclosed in a room with one door. The door was locked…but I knew there had to be a way to open it. At first, I hadn’t a clue where to search. I then peaked through the keyhole only to gaze upon a trajectory of a seemingly endless path of identical rooms. I grew frustrated as I began to ponder the infinite number of rooms that could lie ahead of me. Then, I heard a voice gently whisper, “Do not fear, for you already possess the keys. It is up to you to have patience enough to uncover them. Each room beyond this shall reveal a new key…and all will take you closer to Me.” It was during this moment that an unexplainable peace came over me. It was then that I realized that it was not necessarily about how many doors I was able to open while I was there. In fact, it wasn’t even necessarily about how quickly I found each key to open the doors. Rather, it was about the search, it was about the constant and continuous hunt for more. And this one thing, I had already been guaranteed, so long as I chose.

Sometimes the search for more is a bit intimidating though. There’s so many places to look, so many people to study, and so many questions to ponder. It’s a bit uncomfortable to continue digging and digging and digging. We continue moving towards the unknown, and that’s not easy. Like I remember the first time I changed schools. I liked where I was before. I liked my friends. I liked my teachers. I liked my systemized pattern that I had grown accustomed to. I came to a new place and had to learn to make new friends, meet new teachers, and develop a new model for my day. And maybe that would have been just fine if I had not moved schools. I had gotten to a place where I was comfortable, where I knew just exactly how to make it through each day. So maybe I really was not in need of a new place. Most of us reach a place like this in life, where we figure out how to get by. We pretend we like where we are, that we are in need of nothing new, nothing more (except money and possessions, there’s always room for more of that in our lives right?). We like living comfortably, knowing what to expect, and feeling like we have enough to carry us to the end. So maybe, just maybe we aren’t in need of any move to a foreign place. And with that attitude, we should have no fear, we’ll never move. But honestly, I don’t know if I like that idea one bit.

There’s this show on television called “30 Days” where people are challenged to spend 30 days with someone who believes the exact opposite on some particular issue. The idea is to take a person who believes one thing, such as a staunch conservative Christian who personally upholds that the entirety of Muslims are terrorists and a threat to society, and place him in the shoes of one who believes or lives out just the opposite, such as a group of Muslims living in the United States. And you know what, I like the theme of this show. To some of you, this is blasphemous. You might claim that all you are doing is endangering the sacred beliefs of an individual by forcing them to see another side. But truthfully, its simply a challenge. It’s a challenge to think, experience, and then decide. The problem is that many of us just like to be told what to think. W e like to be told how to believe, what to have faith in, and then just carry it out. We combat all those who come against us, not out of the fear of the endangerment of our lives, but rather out of the fear of being challenged to question ourselves. We’ve grown to like where we are, and we don’t want that false comfort of complacency threatened.

It’s always about being conservative or liberal, republican or democrat, left or right, protestant or catholic, this or that. Each one of us fits tightly into a small room with walls and borders that we are afraid to breach. We look for the key for a little while, but then when the air conditioner comes on and we get a little more used to the room we are in, we stick with it. We don’t really care what’s in the next room because we are convinced that we have the best room. There’s more to explore, but if someone comes knocking at our door to tell us this, we’d rather keep them locked out than risk the chance of leaving our own little comfortable cell that we are unknowingly a prisoner of. There’s always more, but you have to be willing to go find it. You have to search some testing places if you are to keep going. Sometimes you have to ask the most difficult questions in life, the most difficult questions about God and existence. Perhaps some of you are simply just afraid, afraid to discover that Truth might just actually exist, and that you don’t possess every bit of it.

I like the gossip game, not because its about gossip, but because it gives me the easy way out. You see, I get to take the story from someone else, and then I can give it freely to others without fear of being tagged as the liar if the story doesn’t hold up. It’s not really my story, its someone else’s, so I am just the middle man. I can even do my best to believe it and pretend like I know it’s true. But all responsibility is off my shoulders. For if it fails, I don’t have to hold up the weight. I think a lot of people like to take faith like that. They hear someone else say it, and it might stir them up some, but they haven’t really found it on their own. They don’t give the time to look in depth, but rather, they entirely rely upon someone else for their faith. It’s not really their story, they just show themselves as if it were. They just listen to the story, decide how to believe, and go with it. Honestly, that might be trust, but I don’t think it’s faith. To me, faith might be hearing the story first from someone else. But it’s also searching your heart, searching your humanity, searching your soul, and pondering what is real to you. Faith when it is alive becomes your own story, as if you were a primary witness to the nature of its truth. Some of us are fearful of going that far though. We are afraid to have shattered that which we have spent years building up. But if we really want Truth, should we fear even the most demanding of questions?

If you have stopped searching, if you quit looking, if you are tired of thinking, you might be losing. Most people identify the word salvation with simply this eternal life in Heaven. I do too, but I think it has more layers than that. I think of salvation as a way of existence here and in eternity. Perhaps salvation that Jesus spoke of was not only what would come in our death, but also what we could work out during this life. Perhaps it was a new way to be human (or just the right way to be human). Jesus came not to condemn, but to save the world. Some people see that and get ticked off since they don’t find it fair that not all people are heading to Heaven. Alright, that’s a tough question, and there is no simple answer. But what about that soul that you sometimes hear? What about that conscience that you sometimes feel? What about those rare but genuine moments when you recognized the call of selflessness and began to believe that maybe there was something outside yourself worth living for? Could Jesus call relate to something of this nature? Maybe He did truly come to bring life, and life more abundantly. And maybe that’s not about you.

For those of you who believe that the Gospel is a means simply to give you a better life for your benefit, for you to accumulate worldly comfort and gain, then I ask you to look for more. For I know you could not possibly be inwardly satisfied with such a shallow outlook on the purpose of life. So keep looking, at least you have a start. For those who see the Gospel as a way of justification to prove that everything they live by and believe is exactly how it’s meant to be for all, that the Gospel is an exclusive piece of literature that places a heavy favoritism on a given few and gives validation for suppression of the opposed, then you have not fully read the Gospel with an open heart and mind. I ask you to keep going as well. For those who understand the Gospel as a guidebook to living a better life but also believe that grace allows for sin and rebellion of any kind, you have cheapened what God gave to the world, and I ask you to deny yourselves and take up your cross (and to figure out what in the world that means to you). For those who on the outside, who do not like the Gospel due to the way it is presented to them by many of its proclaimed followers, I would like to apologize for our lack of ability to present a proper picture of Jesus. To you, I would ask, search it out more, look into your soul and see if maybe you can’t find more. Perhaps you would like Jesus more if you had not seen me as His representative but rather had read His Gospels with a clear heart and mind. And lastly, for those who, as Paul mentioned, are “working out their salvation”, I applaud you and say carry on. Certainly it is by faith alone that we are saved, but are we not all working out our faith? I’d like to think that the narrow path could be broadened if we’d just learn to keep searching, and then pass on what we come across.